I won't generalize and speak about women; instead, I'll dare to speak about myself. I'm not interested in a man who seeks the horizontal polka without also being invested in broadening his own cognitive horizons.
I'm not the first to discuss intimacy evolving from the bottom up. I fully recognize that this shift demands both psychic and social change. For one, people are not machines, so our sexuality should not be treated as it (mostly) is—mechanically. Our bodies are organisms, and what distinguishes human sexuality from that of other animals is not just the loss of estrus, but primarily our humanity itself. The state of humanity is reflected in the state of relational consciousness.
I first encountered this concept in my Sinology studies, but I only truly grasped its meaning through my training in relational couples therapy. Equality between the sexes, on a societal level, is primarily established when both genders are capable of meaningful participation in debate. The word debate comes from the Latin disbattere, meaning to fight or to beat down. Today, it signifies discussion and argumentation.
Debate as a formal practice dates back to Ancient Greece, where philosophers competed to outwit one another. However, what was missing then—just as it is often missing today in many confrontations between men and women—was the relational aspect. I'm not interested in the abstractions men try to sell me; I'm interested in how they practice what they preach.
For centuries, double standards obscured this reality from view. But today, the shadows are coming to light. If they emerge through projective identification—where one attributes their own feelings or faults to another—then neither sex has truly learned much. Humanity is built on reflection, and only a clear mind can reflect a clear picture.
The rest belongs to the realm of deflection—a defense mechanism in which a person avoids direct engagement with uncomfortable thoughts, emotions, or issues by shifting focus elsewhere. This may involve changing the subject, making jokes, blaming others, or distracting attention from personal responsibility. Deflection is often evident in relationships and conflicts. Rather than addressing an issue directly, one might redirect the discussion toward another topic or person. But if we remain stuck in deflection, we fail to engage in the deeper reflection necessary for true growth.
And here's the truth—this kind of reflection doesn't just happen in isolation. It happens in connection. Therapy isn't about fixing someone; it's about discovering who we are beneath the layers of deflection, conditioning, and unexamined beliefs. It's about finding the courage to look in the mirror and ask, What kind of man do I want to be?
Men who dare to step into therapy are not weak. They are the pioneers of a new masculinity—one rooted in self-awareness, emotional depth, and the ability to love with both strength and presence. If you seek a deeper, more fulfilling intimacy—not just with a partner, but with yourself—therapy is not just an option. It's an invitation.
The world needs men who are willing to speak their truth, to engage, to listen, and to grow. The question is: Are you ready to be one of them?
